Are you in a parallel marriage or relationship where you've given up on being fulfilled and simply avoid connecting but stay together for practical reasons? Or are you in a "hot" marriage where there's lots of arguing, or angry engagement with your partner where you try to get them to see things your way? It's possible to be in a different kind of relationship. A collaborative and peaceful one, where you can learn to cross the bridge over into your partner's world and learn how to better manage differences and re-connect.
I know this first-hand, because Imago saved my relationship from the brink a couple of years ago. After having already had one divorce and then finding struggle again in this recent long-term relationship, I was ready to give up! However since my recent partner and I had been together for 13 years and shared a blended family of 5 children as well as having experienced great love together, we decided to try Imago as a last ditch effort, however, I almost called off going to an Imago Counsellor because I said: "been there, done that, don't want to go through this again, dragging someone to work on a relationship!" However he insisted: "No, I want to go, because if we go, we'll be able to say we tried everything." I was hooked, he made a positive and logical argument and so I agreed.
When we began I was pretty angry and hurt and felt misunderstood and I think it's fair to say, so did he. I thought it would be like other relationship counselling I'd experienced in my first marriage, but much to my surprise it was totally different.
Our Imago counsellor taught us how to self and co-regulate emotions, while learning to mirror each other. We practiced and practiced and got pretty good at it, learning how to have safe and careful dialogue and eventually learned how to apply those skills to our frustrations! I finally felt heard and so did he!
Miraculously we learned how to connect daily on a deep level, very quickly.
This transformation not only healed our relationship, but healed me personally, profoundly, so much so, that my Functional Medicine MD wondered why my cortisol levels were dropping? It made so much sense to me that living in an environment where I was able to feel calm made a difference in my body as well.
It truly seemed a miracle to me that adhering to such a simple process could bring so much love and healing into my life. To this day we practice mirroring each other in appreciation daily and when it is time to dialogue around frustration we are able to get back on track incredibly quickly in most instances! Such an important skill I thought, I need to learn how to bring this to others' lives and now consider it my deepest honour and a great privilege to work with couples and witness so much transformation and love.
